Aren't making big steps like this a little scary for just about anyone? Making this decision has been a long process, and now that I've decided, it marks a big milestone for me. I put this decision right up there with deciding to marry Lorin and making the decision to have our first baby.
When I graduated with my undergraduate degree, I never planned on continuing on to grad school. However, after a year of teaching English at BYU-Idaho, I decided that getting a Master's Degree was something that I wanted to do. I wanted to continue teaching college English because I loved it.
My first semester of grad school was interesting. I loved learning, but at the same time I wasn't happy with the direction I was going. I found myself becoming very indecisive about what I really wanted to do with my life. I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay at home with Miranda, or if I wanted to continue on towards a career in teaching. Looking back now, I was just scared. I think, deep down, I knew what I wanted to do, but I wasn't ready to make a commitment to being a stay-at-home mom yet. For me, I needed to see both paths that my life could potentially go down.
I feel really lucky that I was able to experience both roads before making my decision. I feel grateful for such an understanding and supportive husband for letting me just do my thing and figure things out—even if it meant thousands of dollars in student loans.
It's funny, the moment I decided to defer from school and stay home with Miranda, things finally felt right. Three months later, I still feel good about being at home with her, so grad school and I are parting ways. If I wanted to be in grad school I could. If I wanted to get my Master's Degree, I would. But I don't want it right now. What I want is to stay home with my little girl and open a new chapter in my life.
I've been going to school for as long as I can remember. School is comfortable and familiar to me. Making the choice to step into a long-term career/the unknown can be intimidating.
But I'm doing just fine.
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