05 March 2013

Momzilla—She Will Cut You

Something funny happens when a woman gives birth to her first child. Someway, somehow, this inner monster comes to the surface.

Momzilla.

You may have heard of bridezilla before: "A woman who, in the course of planning her wedding, exercises or attempts to exercise a high degree of control over all or many minor details of the ceremony and reception."

Well, a similar complex happens to many first-time moms. Some may hide Momzilla more than others, but she is still there—lurking.

And you better dang well follow exactly what she says.

For example:

"If you ring the doorbell while my baby is sleeping, you will feel my wrath."

"If you even want to think about holding my child, you better make your way over to a bathroom and wash your dirty hands with soap and water."

"If you try to feed my child anything other than formula or breast milk, I will cut you."

Or, "You need to follow this two-page, step-by-step list on how to take care of the baby while I'm gone" (even if it's a seasoned mother of 10 children who is babysitting).

Momzilla usually hangs around for a while but goes away eventually. For me, she started to go away when Miranda hit about six months. It was around that time that I realized that Miranda wasn't going to get tetanus if someone didn't wash their hands before holding her (although I do try to keep her away from sick people).

I think Momzilla goes away because you start to trust people a little more, and let's face it, it's too tiring trying to keep track of who's feeding what to your baby, who's washing their hands and who's not, and who's going to get the evil stare because they woke the baby up from her nap.

Every now and again, I get little sparks of Momzilla (mostly when strangers come up and kiss my baby). But, for the most part, I think I got my Momzilla in check.

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2 comments:

  1. Ha, my husband's family probably thinks I am momzilla...cause they try to give my baby icecream, cake, soda, etc every time we see them! I admit, I got pretty cranky the third time I saw someone sneaking him iceream. Haha, oh well. On his first birthday, he'll smash his face in cake, and I can quit being the sugar momzilla.

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    1. Haha! I'm the same way too about sugar. I was way uptight about it when she was first born, but I've started to become more relaxed about it ever since she started eating solid foods (or at least tried to be more relaxed). I figure if I'm feeding her healthy foods all the time, an occasional taste of sugar from someone else won't hurt her.

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