15 April 2013

Happiness-Sucking Dementor Spouse

Lorin and I have discovered over our almost three years of marriage that if one of us is in a crappy mood, eventually we will both be in a crappy mood by the end of the night.

That is just the way it is.

I remember one morning not too long ago where Lorin, Miranda, and I were off to school. We were both in great moods, everything was going just fine. My plan for the day was to deposit some cash at the bank and take a trip to the school library. Well, halfway to school I realized that I forgot the books I was going to return as well as my wallet with the cash and library card in it.

At that moment of realization, I started to turn into a happiness-sucking Dementor spouse.

I was so upset that all my plans for the day were ruined. Lorin, laughing a little, tried to tell me that it really wasn't a big deal and that he could just check out the books for me with his library card when he got out of class. He reassured me that I could put the cash in the bank and return the books another day.

"But I'm so mad that I can't do everything today like I planned," I said, after which I made a good display of sulking.

By the time that 20-minute car ride to school was over, I had successfully sucked every ounce of happiness out of Lorin's good mood that morning.

I later apologized to him and everything was fine, but let me show you the flip side of this situation.

The other day, I was having a rough day with Miranda. She wasn't taking her naps and was very grumpy. The only thing that would appease her was me lying on the floor and letting her crawl all over me to pull my hair and poke my eyes. You could say I wasn't in the best of moods.

I saw Lorin pull up in the car. I could go out and greet him with a hug and a kiss and tell him how happy I was to see him. Or, I could unload my day on him and bring him down.

I chose to go out and give him a hug and a kiss. When I walked outside to see him, I could already tell by the look on his face that he had a hard day. Turns out, he did have a pretty terrible day, a lot worse than mine.

He came inside the house, relaxed on the couch for about 10 minutes, and then moved on with life. He didn't dwell on his bad day because he knew it would bring me down if he did.

Because both of us made the conscious decision to move past our bad days, we had a great rest of the night.

So, here are a couple things I have learned about avoiding the happiness-sucking Dementor spouse.

1. If I have a terrible day, don't unload my bad day on my husband the moment he walks in the door. I try my best to wait a little bit before saying anything. When I wait, most of the time my "horrible" day doesn't seem that bad anymore.

2. Don't sulk. Sulking never does any good; rather, talk about the bad day and move on. Continuing to have a bad attitude doesn't change what happened.

3. Give my husband some space when he gets home. Just like me, he has been hard at work all day too. My natural tendency is to want to talk his ears off about my day when he walks in the door, but I need to let him wind down and relax a little. If he has had a hard day, this relaxing time helps him to avoid becoming a happiness-sucking Dementor spouse.

Just so you know, Lorin and I are far from perfect at these steps and we both have our Dementor spouse moments. However, the important part is that we are both making this area a point of improvement so we can uplift each other rather than bring each other down.

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  1. Great post....great insight! I love the happiness sucking Dementor husband. Too funny ~ especially since I'm a Potter fan and we just got back from Universal. :)

    1. btw Sarah, I really like the changes you've done on the blog. It looks really nice ~ love your pic! I need to get working on my. :( can't wait to stop having to write poems everyday....is creativity - sucking Write a Poem a Day Dementor for me.


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