30 April 2013

The Man Chair: Romance in Marriage

In the Man Chair: Dave Baird
Age: 50
Occupation: Realtor
Marital status: Married
Children: Yes
Website: David.baird@utahhomes.com 

Question: How do you keep the romance alive when you've been married a long time? 

Dave's response:

I have been thinking about this for quite some time now, and I really don’t have the perfect answer. I do know that most of us have the same goals. We want to die shortly after our spouse, to spend evenings watching the sun set while holding hands together, and to have others see us as we see ourselves—totally committed to each other.

To get there, we need to go back to the beginning of the relationship. I think many of us have this erroneous thought that when we first met or married our spouse, we were romantically in love, and that this love sometimes goes downhill because there wasn’t tons of effort put into the relationship to keep it alive.

I believe that we are in love with the idea that someday this person, that has agreed to run away with us, will actually stay with us forever. This thought is just enough to make us say, “I do.” We hope that as our spouse gets to know us and as we get to know them, we will have enough good times and bad in common that neither person will run away screaming.

I believe at this point, the “I do,” “Yes,” “umm hmm,” whatever you said that committed you to this life contract with your spouse, is where the fun should begin. This is where you start convincing your spouse that he/she loves you.

Here is where you will begin a series of activities to create memories that form a bond called “love.”

This relationship will last forever.

My wife and I started making memories by having water fights in the house with a hose, camping in the rain, covered by a tent with no poles (honeymoon), and driving across the country multiple times without ever turning on the radio because we love to talk to each other. My wife has gone to so many guy movies with me that I think she is a true Clint Eastwood fan.  And yes, I have sat through just as many chick flicks with her.

She loves riding motorcycles and watching me work on the car. She lets me fix things and loves to eat what I cook. She goes on walks with me and even holds my hand when I want to. She loves to dance but doesn’t force me to dance if I don’t want to. She loves hearing me sing and always listens when I do. She never complains about a lack of anything, including material possessions. She has given me the coolest kids in the world and has made them so smart and, of course, gives me all the credit.

After more than 25 years with my wife, when I think of why I love her, I think of the lady that stood by my side when we were poor—so poor, our power was shut off. She didn’t call home or run to the neighbors. She just told the kids that we were going to play pioneer for the week and were going to do without a few things. During times when we had more than enough, she never ran out and spent lots of money but still acted like we were average.

I do everything I can to make my wife happy. After all, she ran away with me and has never gone back home. She has stuck it out in the most difficult of times with me and has never told a soul about what we went through.

As I look at the things I have written in this post and realize that our romance is still alive and that I am very much in love with my wife, I also realize that most of this happened after we got married.

She took a chance on me, I took a chance on her, and then we made it work. She is number one in my life. End of story.

So, how do I keep the romance alive?

This romance was born the day I said “I do,” and we just keep feeding it like a little baby. Some days it surprises us, and other days it does just what we thought it would. It grows every day with new needs and wants. Like a parent, we would never deny our little romance anything it needs or wants because it’s too much fun to watch it grow.

Where will we be in 50 years? I think holding hands, watching the sun set. I don’t know if it will be on the porch of our home or from the top of a cloud, but it will be with my wife.

What are your thoughts about Dave's post? How do you keep the romance alive in your relationship?

Would you like to sit in the Man Chair or submit a question for the Man chair? Please email me. If you would like more information on how the Man Chair works, click here.
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  1. Sweet. I loved it. And....I agree, the love grows and grows! It's going through the everyday life, hard times, and triumphs together that forges that bond stronger and deeper. The butterflies, crazy infatuation period of dating is fun, but the love becomes more of a peaceful, happy security. Laughing together, just going for a walk, playing with our son...those mean more to me than the dramatic speeches of love and flowers. Though, hey, I don't mind those! :)

  2. This is so sweet. It really makes me want to be a better wife. These posts are such a great idea Sarah! I'm so glad you started it!


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