22 May 2013

The Man Chair: Changes a Baby Brings to a Relationship

In the Man Chair: David Marsh
Age: 26
Occupation: Medical student
Marital status: Married
Children: Yes

Question: How has your relationship with your wife changed since you found out you were having a baby?

When Kim and I were first married, I think we were probably pretty even on the "baby hungry" scale. We were excited, but definitely wanted to wait a few years. While my anticipation grew slowly and steadily, Kim's remained completely flatlined for years. In fact, I don't think it's much of an exaggeration to say that she was terrified of the idea of getting pregnant.

Then, I have no idea what happened, but I'm serious, she went from 0 to 60 in a single day. She went from absolutely not being ready, to the point of obsessing about when we would get our little one.

I don't have an explanation for Kim's feelings, but I think I understand mine all right. My reason for wanting a baby is directly associated with my love for Kim. That love has grown consistently every day since first meeting her, just like my "baby hunger." I got to a point where I loved her with such an intensity that I could feel it overflowing and needed, somewhat in a literal sense, another "Kim" to love. Before finding out that Benson was a boy, I imagined a beautiful daughter, sweet and gentle, with long brown hair and big dark eyes like her mother. This would be someone we could create and grow and teach and love together. I believe in a God who is the ultimate scientist. He created DNA and alleles and meiosis and genetic variation for a number of reasons, and it isn't by chance that the system is set up so our kids look and act like us.

No, we didn't get the little dark-eyed angel that I envisioned. We got a little Davidbig blue eyes and we're thinking probably red hair. The nose is Kim's, but that's about it. Initially, I was disappointed. That third leg in the ultrasound was sad for me because I really wanted another Kim. But it turns out that it doesn't really matter. Ben has given us a completely unexplored and limitless new dimension to our relationship. I'm learning new things about my wife and falling in love with her almost as if we were meeting for the first time againOne nasty diaper and one sleepless night at a time, Benson is helping Kim and I be better, more selfless people. I thank him every day for making us parents.

I believe that the little dark-haired girl will still be mine someday, but she can wait. I've realized when Kim comes in the room to find me and Ben snuggling and refers to us as "her two favorite boys," that she was probably hoping for thisa little one exactly like me, and this time I'll let her have her way.
What did you think of David's post?
Men: What relationship changes did you see when a baby came into the picture?
Women: Did you see any changes in your spouse?

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2 comments:

  1. I loved this post! First of all I love watching Daddies be Daddies: enjoying it and it not being a chore for them. I loved the line where he said he wanted another wife to love. How cute!

    ReplyDelete
  2. What a wonderful post! I really enjoyed readings this one! It was very sweet and very understandable.

    ReplyDelete

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