28 February 2015

Serenades, Self Tanner, and As-seen-on-TV Electronic Ab Belts

Sometimes I have flashbacks to when I was younger and have feelings of embarrassment for myself. It is interesting to note that most of my cringe-worthy experiences happened during junior high, AKA the cesspool of awkwardness. Today, I would like to share with you 3 different highlights from my junior high experience.

1. Church Directory Serenade

One day, I found myself looking through my church congregation's phone directory for the number of a boy I had a crush on at the time. I decided that it would be a great idea to profess my love for him by means of playing and singing a song I learned on the guitar over the phone. I would like to mention that this boy and I maybe talked a total of two times over AOL Instant Messenger, and that wasn't even by his choice. A friend had given me his screen name (wow, this is starting to sound like a creepy Lifetime story). Luckily, God had my back that day and the boy wasn't home when I called. I never had the courage to try calling again later. Man, talk about a cringe-worthy junior high moment.

2. Developing Beauty

I slathered my legs with self-tanner on a school night, and then decided I wasn't tan enough the next morning. So, what do I do? Slather on more! The junior high boys wouldn't be able to resist the bronze beauty I would become as my tan developed over the next 2-4 hours at school. Unfortunately, I didn't receive any comments from boys, but my friend, Katie did. One boy yelled across the field during lunch time, "Hey Katie, why are your friend's legs all orange?" Fair question.

3. Hottest Bod

When I saw the commercial for the As-seen-on-TV Electronic Ab Belt, I was overcome with wonder and amazement. This contraption could single-handedly change the course of my junior high career. I could go from Sarah Walker--band nerd to Sarah Walker--hottest bod at Chipman Junior High. I'm not sure what in the world I did to convince my parents that I needed this, but it worked. All I know is that my 12-year-old self definitely didn't have $19.99 laying around my room, so I had to enlist the help of my parents. One day when Miranda wants to make some tween-dream purchase, I will look back on my parents' kindness and show her some mercy.

Well, when this wondrous contraption was finally in my clutches, I decided it would be a great idea to wear it on my stomach over night, since all that working out would definitely give me washboard abs by morning. Just so you know, this machine sends some type of electric shock through the belt which then makes your abs contract. Let's just say, I didn't end up keeping it on the whole night. In fact, that experience convinced me that I was really OK after all with being band-nerd Sarah Walker.
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